Wednesday, November 7, 2018
My Friend Regina
We met Regina and John over 45 years ago, when we went on a group tour to Spain together. Rich and I were expecting our first child, and we were reasonably convinced that it would be our last opportunity to travel and explore the world until our little fetus went off to college. On the other end of the parenting spectrum were John and Regina who were just getting their travel legs again, now that their children were responsible teen-agers. Who knew that we would become lifelong friends!
I think we bonded over a picnic on the rocks. When our tour bus stopped mid-day at a fancy restaurant on the Mediterranean coast on one of our day tours, Rich and I decided to take a walk instead, while we munched on bread and cheese we had bought at a Spanish market the previous day. Who should we spy picnicking on the rocks nearby but Regina and John!. We bonded over our common purpose of not spending lots of time and money on food and drink when we could be enjoying ourselves just as much outside nibbling on our own gerry-rigged sandwiches.
We started to talk and realized what soulmates we were, despite the fact that we were at different stages of life and establishment. Rich and I were both teachers, apartment-dwellers, still basking in the ideals of changing the world that our 60’s generation espoused. Regina and John were fully established— as parents and homeowners with lots of responsibility— he in business and she involved in so much volunteer work in schools and church and the community.
But they loved to travel and we loved to travel. We shared our love of the outdoors and our desire for simple living. We both were involved in the religious community— they in their church and we in our synagogue, And we all cherished family and believed that the goal of life was to make the world better.
Regina and John became our guides— on this trip, and afterwards as role models for life. They took us on public buses to sites where we could learn and explore, while our tour companions spend their time getting on and off the tour bus, waiting for the lategoers and latecomers and having little time to tour. Since Regina spoke Spanish, she was our ticket to great adventures on our own, since we could be much more independent than our fellow travelers. And we also had the benefit of John’s photography expertise finding the perfect photo-op at every stop.
When we got back to the US, we discovered that we lived only 15 minutes away from our new friends. First we met for dinner and photo sharing, and then we would have “dates” together. I remember how impressed I was by the delicious candlelight dinner that Regina prepared for us. And when we met their daughters, we were so impressed at what charming and helpful teen-agers they were! And we also discovered that even back in our own native terrains, we had such fun and shared so much laughter with with McCarthys.
In the two years that followed—before we moved to the US Virgin Islands— I spent many wonderful hours with Regina. She was an experienced mom who had so much wisdom, yet she was encouraging and helpful as I stumbled through early parenting. But we also had lots to share beyond raising kids. We talked about family, religion, community, and values— and I learned so much from her intelligence, optimism, her moral center and her resilience—and how devoted she was to John and her children.
I remember how proud she was of her fancy, “expensive,” bike that she pedaled around Stoughton—especially at a time when gasoline was so scarce and expensive— and of course it kept her very fit. She loved to plan and share stories about the wonderful trips she and John would take together. I thought they were most intrepid, going on adventures rather than vacations.
After we moved away, we saw Regina and John only a couple of times. I remember we travelled to Sandwich to see their new condo—and this time we had our own kids, who we prayed would be as well behaved as the McCarthy kids had been. But even when we did not see each other, we wrote letters—and that continued for years. I remember how she got a job and worked in the schools, And how she loved to read and was a regular at the library. And I remember how she nursed John through his illnesses, which seemed to prolong his life and its quality.
I saved Regina’s letters, which were so entertaining, so interesting, and so well-written— and she saved some of mine. In the last years, I re-discovered many of her letters boxed in my attic and they once more transported me to Regina’s special world. When I sent the letters back to her, we were able to re-ignite our correspondence, but this time on email. I learned of her cancer, and of John’s death, and of her ability to cope and keep going, in spite of the pain she had to endure. I added her to our communal prayers every Shabbat. Her last letter was only a few months ago, when she told me that the cancer had come back and she was undergoing treatments, but she was grateful that the first round had been successful enough that she could resume some of her activities and her reading.
This week we got a call from Catherine that Regina had passed away. My heart and Rich’s are very sad, since Regina and John were gifts in our life. She was a mentor and a role model, who taught and lived the value of community, service to others, devotion to family, resilience—and the ability to find joy in living.
May you be comforted by your memories and may her memory be for a blessing. We are sending a check to the Sandwich library, as we celebrate her love of reading with her community.
Love, Treasure and Rich Cohen treasurehope65@gmail.com
